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May 01, 2002, 9:47 am
wow so i havent written in like 4eva. its not like it really matters cuz no1 really reads it newayz. i promised myself id keep up w/ this. damn. o well. nuthin exciting has really happened. ive gotten hooked on carries diary...so if u happen 2 read this carrie...ur not alone. shes got a lot more insight on the same stuff im feeling. go carrie! but yeah. i havent really gotten a chance 2 talk 2 chris lately...he says hes busy so i understand. but still its sad. i miss seein him everyday...like last year. man that wus a long time ago. last year wus so much more simpler...easier to get through. where did all of this drama come from?
im gettin tired of bein so lonely and waitin around 4 ppl who i know will never come around...but for sum reason i sit here waitin like a fool newayz. ive got a quote in my profile talkin bout not wastin time on ppl who wont waste their time on u. i wish i could practice wut i preach.
i cant stay here w/ my dad 1 more second. im bout 2 pull each of my hairs out piece by piece and then...i dunno wut. its a completely random choice of action 4 the anger im feelin rite now but wut the hell i dont care.
choir banquet is next friday. coincidentally...i dont have a date. i asked andy if hed go w/ me if i didnt have a date...but he showed no enthusiasm 4 the idea and i no if he did end up goin w/ me hed hang out w/ jessi all nite. and i would luv 2 go w/ jared...but i no whitney luvs him almost more than i do...and i luv her and i care more bout her happiness than him...so id rather he go w/ her than w/ ne1. but i no that if he goes hes also gonna hang out w/ jessi all nite. wut is up w/ all these guys luvin jessi? i mean shes such a sweety and i luv her...haha interesting i juss answered my own ?. but yeah i keep fallin 4 all the guys that like her ironically and its startin 2 piss me off that im pathetic enough 2 go 4 the ones that hold no interest in me.
dont ya hate knowin wut u want but never bein able 2 get it.
kerri and stuart finally got 2gether after much turmoil. yay! im really excited 4 them both cuz i no theyr gonna get married sum day neway. but of course that lil smidge of jealousy in me wants sumthin like that 2. i no were not sposed 2 want wut other ppl have...but i would luv 2 have that.
steph and rb r still 2gether...yay! im glad they found each other...they seem 2 make each other really happen. it seems so great. damn it there i go again...wantin sumthin i cant have. minus 1 4 me.
hayleys got daryn. she luvs him i no she dus. theyr juss a bit...rocky. but i no that he cant live with out her and vice versa. i luv hayley cuz theres alot of stuff that i can connect and relate 2 her. im glad we became friends this year.
i seem 2 be losin ppl 2 fall back on...ppl 2 rely on. i no i have 'friends'...but loneliness still gets me. worst part is when im lyin home alone on a friday nite knowin where my friends r w/ their bf's...wishin i had that 2. those nites...i juss drown in lonesomeness...but i try not 2 feel sorry 4 myself...cuz i no thatll juss bring me lower...rite?
when did i lose sight of everything? when did i become so lost and everything become so blurry? im longing 4 a hand 2 grab and hang on 2...sumthin 2 get me through it all. but its not there...juss empty space. hopefully my eyes will adjust and ill the hand ive been lookin 4 not 2 far ahead. hopefully itll b here soon...im tired of standing alone.
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden