next 20 years down the drain
June 15, 2002, 10:26 pm
since the gregorios got here...i havent really had time 2 b weird bout the whole me and matt thing. i guess thats good rite?
This is kinda weird. Im doin my diary on Microsoft word cuz I cant connect 2 the internet rite now. Bla I dunno. Me and tony talked a lil bit. Nuthin major though. I mean�he says he wants 2 b here. And so im believing him cuz that�s wut I wanna hear. I dunno. But like�he says he wants 2 talk. And I do wanna talk I do�cuz its just great talking as friends and everything. But last time I really enjoyed havin that connection there�that I figured it would b there once I got home. I mean not in the same form I no�but still have that connection. But like�last time�once I got home�we talked a lil bit online�4 a few months�but it wus meaningless convo. And then we didn�t talk 4 like 6 or 7 months. Then�like a week b4 he comes�I talk 2 him again�and ugh. I dunno. Cuz during those 6 or 7 months�he wus always there in my mind. And I no w/ him�that im the last thing from his mind. During all that time�I can tell I wasn�t really thought about. When I wus @ my lowest�god and I got there�but when I wus @ my lowest�I could always think back 2 it�and I would convince myself that I was cared about like I care bout him. But I no truthfully im not. And I never will b. not really by anyone. I talked 2 kristin 2day. She told me I have the rest of my life 2 find sum1. I no that. But�I want sumthin�anything. I no I may find sum1�but that don�t mean that they�ll find me. Its already happened once. He sees himself w/ her in 20 years�yeah well that�s the worst news in the world. Looks like im startin over from scratch. I want 2 talk 2 him. I wanna have wut we had�but im 2 stubborn�and 2 unsatisfied. I dunno. Mayb�I dunno. Im so happy he found sum1. I really am. I mean I no I wish that sum1 couldve been me. But if shes the 1 4 him�that�s great�and hopefully ill get a clue and shut the hell up and learn bout her�cuz ugh�I don�t like her and I don�t even no her. I wanna talk 2 him bout her like I talk 2 allan bout kris or chris bout kris or kerri bout stuart�but I guess my stupidness don�t allow it. Shut up sarah. Get over urself.
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