my worst enemy
July 10, 2002, 12:38 am
ugh im so pissed of i could scream. my comp freaked out yet again and another damn entry got totally erased after i wus gettin in2 it.
2nite wus fun. im glad 2 b gettin back in the swing of things. me, kerri, kristin, arce, william, johnathon, and allen all went 2 chilis. and then all of us minus kerri (she has summer skool 2morrow :-() went back 2 kristins dads house. chilis wus fun...lol me and john were havin like a water/ice fight. by the end of the nite everybody wus in on it. lol it started out cuz those dirty minded boys wanted 2 get our shirts wet...muahaha but its aight cuz we got them wet instead. muahaha girls kick ass. lol it wus so gross...we had like this already eaten corn on the cob and we got it soaked in sprite and we were throwin it across the table. lol that table (and floor)were totally soaked by the time we left. i feel bad 4 the ppl who had 2 clean it.
afterwards we went 2 kristins house. me and kris were kinda in an annoyed mood...i dunno y...she wus tired...i wus just blah. so we sat and pretented 2 watch x-men while arce and john played pool. la de da. not the greatest time. but it wusnt bad. it wus fun just hangin out. chillin with guys is more fun than chillin w/ girls. us girls freak out 2 easily...and everytings a big deal. lol guys are immature but fun...and everythings just easy goin w/ them. well most of em neway. but i wont get in2 that.
im really glad kerri went w/ us 2nite. i mean i no she had 2 leave early :-(...but it wus fun neway. i missed her...and i no shes glad were back but shes still sad cuz stuarts gone. totally understandable. theyr like corey and topanga...but better...cuz its realistic. it proves that true luv can happen. well @ least it can happen 2 good ppl. la de da. but back 2 my point. im glad 2 b hangin out w/ kerri again...its just sumtimes it seems like we have aimless...pointless convos that just drag...and it makes me kinda sad. cuz i dont wanna have that kinda relationship w/ her. i luv her 2 much 4 that. i dunno. mayb im makin sumthin out of nuthin. but yes im glad 2 b home...its good 2 b w/ friends.
i just got off the phone w/ allen not 2 long ago. i revealed alot about myself 2 him 2nite. i dunno if he understood it...or if i scared him. but @ the beginning of the convo he wus reluctant 2 ask me a ?...but i dragged it out of him...and he asked if i wanted 2 watch a movie sumtime. i dunno how im sposed 2 take that. dus it mean just me and him?...and he likes me likes me...or just like chill and watch a movie as friends? i dunno...but i did slip the fact that i think of him as a brother type in2 the convo sumwhere...but now that i think of it i didnt do it purposely. i dunno. mayb im thinkin 2 much. i do that. alot. i am my own worst enemy. if nething brings me down...itll b me.
i realized 2day that id rather b lonely the rest of my life than deny my intelligence and wit and independence 4 a guy. i no that guys go after all those other girls cuz all they do is giggle...and make ppl feel like shit cuz theyr pretty and they think they can...and they think everythings a joke. nun of them are theyr own person. yeah well i may be lonely...but @ least im my own person...and i have my own thoughts...i guess thats better and dependence upon ppl 4 everything. the only thing i cant bring 2 myself is happiness. and i no a guy wont make me happy...ive realized that theres only a select # of ppl out there who actually make me happy about myself. god bless those ppl. ill luv u 4eva.
heh i just read over wut i just wrote. man i ramble. its all just babble...things randomly pop in my head so i try 2 connect em all 2 gether into a rational thought. o well. its my diary. im allowed 2 babble.
i need sum self discipline. i should really start workin out. laziness is a bitch. but i have no inspiration...sadly enough i dont no y.
i ahve 2 go 2 my dads 2morrow. 4 once i actually kinda missed him. that dusnt happen very often. i havent seen him since the thursday b4 i left 4 vaca. its been like 2 weeks. and everytime i talked 2 him on the phone he sounded really depressed. i no hell rub the whole thing in my face and make me feel guilty...but i still luv him nun the less and i miss him. yeah watch ill b complainin about him 2morrow.
my mama didnt take my film 2 get developed. she said she would. yeah its a petty problem...but it pissed me off nun the less. i really want those pics. im impatient. but i no if they dont get developed now...theyll never get developed.
me and kerri and my sis watched a walk 2 remember this afternoon. i luv that movie so much. the actin may not b all that great...but its so heart and soul touching. i cry like a baby everytime i c it. mayb cuz i have sum kind of connection 2 it...i dunno mayb not...i guess im just a helpless romantic and its a really sad story. lol yup thats it. never the less...its a great movie.
10 rounds w/ jose cuervo...fun song. lol sorry that just popped in my head. i made a new cd 2day! yay 4 me. now i need 2 work on my 10 things i hate about u soundtrack. that movie had sum great songs in it. letters 2 cleo is a fun band...i like it. u gotta b cruel 2 b kind...aint that the truth.
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden