warming my cold heart
July 19, 2002, 1:01 am
as i predicted the whole goin 2 ryans thing fell through. but plans got changed of course and me and leah and grace and thomas and tyler and austin all went 2 tyler links house and swam and chilled and stuff. it wus pretty kool. eh i felt a lil outta place 4 awhile...but then i realized i didnt give a shit so i had fun. lol. im glad i went even though i went through hell 2 go yet again. i hate lettin myself get manipulated by my friends. grrr. no longer will i let them. nope. no more. i mean i can stick up 2 em and let em no that theyr pissin me off...but ugh i just give in. la de da.
so grace and leah are still set on settin me up w/ ryan. hes goin outta town 4 2 weeks so mayb theyll get over it by the time he gets back. cuz i mean hes a great guy and all and i wouldnt object 2 goin out w/ him...lol but its kinda embarassing and i dunno...just weird. but i dunno i thank them 4 havin the heart 2 do it.
2morrow...well actually 2nite is gonna b so fun. lol ugh its gonna kick ass. and itll b even better if we dont get caught. either way itll still b worth it. it wont b a big ass party...but shes havin kool, fun folks over and well be there all nite...so itll kick ass. i luv havin the connections...and fun friends 2 share it with. lol the guys are so funny...aw the nite will just b great. breakin the rules is so much fun...i mean just the adrenaline rush u get knowin u mite get caught is fun enough...lol but we do all we can...lol yeah we beat the shit out of our fortune. ah yes the nite will b perfection. :-)
5 days til my bday...yay!!! the countdown is exhilirating...i cant wait.
dude i need 2 talk 2 david bout the hott guy that helped him mow the lawn @ my mamas house. so far i no his name...he goes 2 LC...hes gonna b a junior...hes in the choir (woo hoo)...and hes really really hott. lol i need 2 figure out his availability...and mayb david will b generous enough 2 introduce me...muahaha. eh i doubt ill b that lucky...but mayb i can work it on my own.
dude dj was really upset w/ me 2nite cuz i wus such a bitch the other nite...especially 2 him. ugh i feel so bad. i hate gettin like that and bein even bitchier than normal and then takin it out on great ppl who dont even deserve it. im so sorry. but he says hes ok now and i apologized a million times...but i still feel bad. cuz i no i hate it when ppl are bitchy and they make me feel like shit...so im mad @ myself 4 doin it 2 sum1 else. i guess i didnt really realize until 2nite how big of an effect it has on every1 else. im sorry every1!!! im workin on taming and toning down my bitchy nature. o Heaven help me.
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden