its better when ur going anyway
Sunday, Nov. 24, 2002, 12:44 am
ok soo...
last nite...friday nite...we (me, kerri, kris, adam, mei lee, jon, josh, mason, megan, rachelle...every1 came and went @ different points during the nite) all went 2 masons house and chilled there. emperess fajita mama and myself went 2 randalls and got food and such 4 the evening. then every1 came 2 masons and we grilled fajitas and talked 2 each other on networked comps. haha it wus actually quite humorous. megan walks in @ like 11:30 and wus like...lol this is actually funny. yeah but newayz. so we just chilled...drank lizard jizz...haha had a good time. lol i stayed @ masons house last nite. i no she may not always want me there...but either way i really appreciate it when she lets me stay. there are just nites when i dont wanna go home. i mean...its not like theres nething majorly wrong w/ my household...but u no i just...dont wanna b @ my house surrounded by my family. and i like chillin w/ the emperess...we dont always really talk...but we no how each other is doing. so thanks so much emperess 4 lettin me crash @ ur place weekly...i really appreciate it. if u ever need sum time 2 urself...just say the word and im gone...no hard feelings. luv ya babe.
yeah so jess went 2 bed @ like 2:30 but of course i wusnt in bed til almost 5. yet again i had another intruiguing conversation while online that kept me up 4 hours. i wus really tired...but as the hours dragged on...yeah i knew i wusnt gonna b able 2 sleep. nuthin makes sense nemore...i guess it never did. theres no point 2 dwell on it rite? i mean its over? yeah but i cant help but look back and think...i couldve been loved. o well...i guess things happened cuz theyre sposed 2 b that way.
la de da. so mason and i woke up around 1:15...lol it wus kool...we both walked outta our rooms @ the same time 2day. we saw adam outside in his pjs so we decided 2 go bum-rush him. lol yeah it wus funny. la de da so we talked outside 4 awhile...it wus so pretty out 2day!!! um then we went back in2 masons house and pretended 2 eat food...then decided 2 go eat good real healthy food @ panera...masons credit cards treat of course lol. so yes...adam, mason, and i ate @ panera and came up w. the koolest ideas. im not gonna elaborate too much cuz i dont wanna spoil the surprise comin @ the end of this comin summer...lol but lets just say "The Book of Dic (definitions)" and were buying a bus. thats it...im dun. yeah its awesum. so we just talked and such and it wus kool. then we left around 3:45 and mason took me 2 her house so i could retrieve my belongings and then brought me home. then i did stuff...um showered...got my nails dun...came home and got ready 2 go out...totally avoiding packing...lol just like i am rite now! but yeah. then kerri came over...followed by adam and kristin...followed by emperess fajita mama. we just chilled here until like 10:30 listenin 2 music...enjoying the oldies and such...just rockin out. it wus fun. then we went 2 heathers and just chilled sum more cuz her rents were gone. it wus kerri, me, kris, adam, mason, jon, mei lee, josh, nikki, heather, and then dana came a lil bit later. it wus fun...just chillin. i came around 12:15 w/ all of my shit outta kristins car and now im pretending 2 pack cuz we leave 2morrow from my house @ noon.
uh jebus last nite still racks my brain. i dont understand...its like useless information 2 me now. almost hard 2 believe...but useless all the same. i guess no though he can move on 2 her w/ out ne guilt or nething holding him back. i guess thats good 4 him...i want 2 b happy even if its not w/ me. but damn it i dont get it. i wus up 4eva thinkin about it...cryin about it...etc. i just wish he wouldnt tread so softly on our relationship...i feel like an outsider 2 him...a 'pretend' friend. grr i dont like that.
adam and kris are so cute 2gether. i hate them so much lol. i mean im so happy 4 them and i luv them both so much but sumtimes ur just like ah! stop it now! its not that the sight of them repulses me or nething...lol not by ne means...but ah thats when the jealousy really kicks in...and just cuz of last night that uncontrollable jealousy has doubled. and u just wanna strangle em...all of em. lol grr u damn couples. i luv u guys!
a special thanx goes out 2 fajita mama 4 talkin 2 me this mornin. i no i didnt really say much...but i know she knew exactly wut i wus thinkin...and she empathized for me...ah and even though it didnt make nething better...she made me feel better. and i needed that. thanx babe...im always here 4 u.
i think this week is definitely gonna do me sum good. uh...i luv every1 and i really dont wanna leave them...but in no 4 my sanity and well being...i need 2 get outta here. ill have a lot of time 2 think...about both good and bad...and ill b able 2 read...alot...and i love getting lost in books. momentarily takes away all the shit...its a nice...educational escape. although my family will probably annoy the shit outta me...itll b good all in all...i just hope they all dont ask 2 many ?s.
im just kind of floating...not really feeling nething. last nite and 2nite were the 1st times ive really cried i think in awhile. i mean really cried. w/ reason. but besides that...its a happy go lucky exterior...w/ a pretty hollow interior. i guess thats better than shit-filled...lol rite? i dunno. i really need this next week.
i hope every1 has a safe and happy thanxgiving!!! eat lots and lots of food...sleep in late...enjoy urself! relax...do the things that make u feel good. u deserve it...i promise. i luv every1. ill try and update in new jersey if ive got access 2 a comp...but if not ill talk 2 u on sunday...but i think ill b able 2 update. so look 4 me! i luv u!
ah p.s....i get 2 go c into the woods!!! yay. my mama told me that we werent goin...hehe but then surpised me last nite by tellin me shed gotten tickets! lol i screamed! (haha yeah jess nos...sorry bout that) i wus very excited. so yay...we go on the sat. after thanxgiving. im lookin 4ward 2 it. ok im goin now. i luv u. bye.
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden