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Monday, Feb. 23, 2004, 7:03 pm
happy monday? i hope so.
today was good. 93 on my physics test. well technically...97 with the 4 pts for being there everyday. so thats awesome.
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im running out of ideas
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i saw jeremy today. i went over to his house for a lil while. and it was really nice to see him. i really miss him. i miss the comfort of having someone that totally gets me. i miss just having him to talk 2. having him to hang out with. we understood each other so well.
im just scared that things are going to end up like they used to be. i dont want to be overbearing. i dont want him to depend on me. i dont want us to depend on each other...to fill what we cant fill ourselves.
you cant succeed for other people. it only really means something when u do it for urself...when u want it for urself. its such a conflicting issue. cause yeah u want to make someone else happy and do things for them...but u cant lose sight of urself. and that line gets fuzzy. that line of dependence and independence is really hazy. the worst is to lose ur independence...to become fully dependent on the other person. to become so completely absorbed that nothing u do is for you...all you worry about is making the other person happy. you cant live for someone else...through someone else. it just...doesnt work.
i dunno y im expressing all of this. i dont need to justify this to myself. @ least i dont think i do. its seemed to always make sense before.
but i really do miss being friends w. him.
i hope that he can be happy. make himself happy. succeed and get to where he wants to be in life. and enjoy it. and be proud for it. thats all ive ever wanted for him. i just...got to involved...too worked up in it all...when its really only his to do.
ive got a slight headache...its only kind of there. lol weird.
i wanted to go 2 the special olymics thing @ ridge tonight. but i didnt. too tired. not up for it.
'emotional' afternoon.
i need to find a good short story for english. something that ill enjoy reading. lol plus something that will have a lot of easily accesible commentary. that would be nice too.
im gonna watch the sex and the city finale w. my mama tonight cause theyr showing it again. woo hoo.
man im tired.
lol my sisters watchin the 'littlest bachelor' or w/e it is. lol its really weird. kinda...i dunno. just weird.
i need to burn a new cd.
and i really need to lose weight.
working on that.
my sister and i got in a big fight this afternoon. everythings smoothed over now. i really dont want her to turn into the brat that i see her becoming. i dont want her to take everything for granted and i dont want her to not appreciate everything that she has...because she has so much. i mean im no saint by any means...but it really sucks to watch her and the way she acts. and it hurts to be completely disregarded as if nothing doesnt matter. as if everything thats done for her...she deserves. i dont want her to be that selfish. that naive.
im really glad that jeremy and i got to talk today. just about alot of stuff. and about nothing. just talking. and seeing him was nice. ur hair looks good by the way jeremy!
ah i feel like just...talking forever. writing about everything. but im @ a loss of anything else to elaborate on. well anything for the 'general public' lol.
ok...so ill let my sister get on. and i think ill go fall asleep watching tv. have a good monday night.
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden