nothing i can do will change its reality
Sunday, Feb. 29, 2004, 10:30 pm
work was fun.
minus dishes.
my mom went out to eat w. johnny tonight. i hate that. i think i hate it so much because she acts like theres something to hide. everytime he calls she walks to another room. he doesnt ever call the house. hes this huge secret...and i hate it. if there wasnt anything to hide...y would she? theres something she doesnt want us to know. i despise him for that.
julianne is gorgeous. absolutely gorgeous. i envy her so much...i would kill for her body. jordans an idiot.
i have no interest in going to school tomorrow. absolutely none.
my dad called me tonight...telling me nothing could be fixed if i didnt come 'home.' i hate that he refers to it as home. thats definitely not home to me...im a captive there. i keep trying to explain to him that weve been having the same fight and the same argument and the same conversation over the past 4 years...and nothing ever changes. so obviously staying there...fighting...talking about it...doesnt work. i told him that he very well may honestly believe that he trusts and respects me...but that i never feel like he does. the way he acts doesnt reflect the way he feels if thats the case. i always feel belittled...missjudged...disrespected...untrusted. i dont think he really trusts or respects me. i think he wants to...but hes too doubting to fully allow himself to.
ok well i guess ill head to bed now. so tired. hope you had a great weekend! have a good monday.
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden