one year
Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004, 3:00 pm
i guess my lack of updates lately has disappointed my readers. lol the average # of page views per day has gone down by 1! lol
today was good. again...easy. nothing too stressful. i was tired all day though from working yesterday...stupid job. im getting a new one. i am! lol jeremy and i are gonna go pick up applications @ places anywhere and everywere friday afternoon. i shall not suffer the summer @ connies custard!
choir practice today @ 5:30. oh joy. dumb UIL.
afterwards i MUST do some SAT practice work...just to reassure myself. its just a bit frightening. :-/
things have been going well otherwise. a lot of stuff that ive been "sorting through" in my head is finally being resolved i think. and its good.
i think jeremy and i have another chance. another chance to be really happy. thats one thing that ive been thinking about...a lot. and then the whole thing happened this past weekend and i realized how strong my feelings really were. id been a bit unsure up to that point...i was ready to see if they could go anywhere...but i wasnt completely sure that i truly felt that way. but now i do.
i never stopped loving him. that i can honestly say. i doubted if we could work...yes...but i still loved him. mostly i think i just got really unhappy with myself. and the more i was on my own the more i realized how unhappy with myself i really was...how unhappy i was with my life. i think we both just got unhappy with the way things were in our own lives...and so we (us together) were affected. and kristin was right. thats exactly what i needed @ the time. and part of me hates that thats the case...but i really cant see how it wouldve gotten better any other way. id lost...me.
but things are better now. and things are headed in the right track for both of us. i dont want to rush into anything too quickly or too seriously...but i think weve both reached that point where were satisfied with ourselves...so we can effectively be with someone else.
does that make any sense? i know...im having a hard time explaining it. but mayb u get it. if not...lol sorry. just skip this then.
its hard to stand next to someone else when you cant stand on your own. i wasnt standing on my own anymore...i wasnt happy with me anymore. so i think that makes it really difficult to stand next to someone else without it affecting both of you.
maybe that metaphor makes a little bit more sense. yes?...no? o well.
tomorrow will be...weird...though. i mean id like to think it wont be...but how can it not? im not even sure exactly how im sposed to feel @ this point. am i sposed to be happy that were getting another chance? or am i sposed to be sad that we could be celebrating 1 year? thats hard to think about. 1 whole year. wow. hopefully itll just be a good day...i dont know. i hope its not a sad day.
especially for him.
lol ok well now that ive actually given you something to read...maybe this will *boost* my ratings. lol jk. but yes...a real entry indeed. get excited.
now im headed to take a shower and *finally* wash my hair...its gross...before choir practice.
i hope everyone had a fantastic day :-). and have a great afternoon/evening.
free jamba juice from 4? til 6. i know it ends @ 6. damn choir in the way of my free smoothie! lol o well. go enjoy it!
i love you all...hopefully ill update later.
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden