love
Tuesday, May. 04, 2004, 7:27 am
you cant help who you love.
no matter how crazy or stupid it seems...you cant just stop loving someone.
maybe life would be easier if you could...but i dont think any1 would be as happy.
his parents have 'unofficially' kicked him out of the house. hopefully that was like a wake-up call for him. i think they just got to the point where they didnt know what else to do. hopefully everything can be worked out to some sort of compromise. he acknowledges that hes screwed up big time though so he might hafta settle for something a bit uncomfortable for awhile. anything for a permanent roof over your head right?
he stayed @ our house last night. slept on the couch. i am so appreciative of my mama and im so thankful that shes so understanding. she wasnt even mad or aggravated...lol she was just worried that he wouldnt be comfortable and that the cats would bother him all night. she was afraid that with out a key hed be stuck in the house if it caught on fire. im glad she loves him like that...like one of her own.
now dont get me wrong...im still hurt and upset and mad because of everything that he did...everything hes done. and getting things back to being ok and good again is gonna take some work. but i dont think that we can be ok until hes happy w. everything else. so right now im being his friend...a 'support system' if you will. even if were not together...i want him to be happy and successful.
i hope he realizes that this is gonna take a lot of work. and its probably gonna suck for a little while. but he cant give up. he doesnt really have that option anymore.
then hopefully once he gets back on track with everything...well be ok. well be good. and yeah i may be a fool for tolerating all of this...but i cant help it. i cant help being a fool in love. and nobody else has to understand that. i dont think anyone else really could.
were really rocky though. lol this is the rockiest relationship ive ever been in. and its gonna take a lot of effort...mostly on his part...to get this back.
i dont even think i can explain it.
yesterday i told him i was tired of being set up just to be let down again. i told him id almost rather him just leave me heartbroken than come back to me just to leave again. i told him that if he didnt think he could do this...it wasnt worth it or for whatever reason...id rather he spare me the extra grief.
but hes back. so that small little bit of hope and faith that automatically exists with love says that must mean something.
Love: it has no defintion. well I'm sure if you look it up in the dictionary it will have some lame definition. But really, ask somebody who IS in love to define it without a dictionary and you'll find yourself face to face with a bumbling idiot. Love, my dear readers, is in those moments that the two of you share. Each relationship has its own love. The first kiss where there are fireworks going off in your mind, for one. Or even the smaller things. When they let you control the radio, when they help you with a math problem you're stuck on. Sitting in the parked car not saying a word listening to the rain come down. Finding out you both like the same orange juice blend. Allowing them to see you looking your worst. When they tell you your hair smells good. Little things that add up to so much more than you could imagine. And the absense of love after long enough can tear you apart.
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden