this is fuckin bull shit
August 07, 2002, 9:13 pm
ugh. jon is such a fuckin ass hole.
ok yeah so u no how jon wus goin 2 the pool hall last nite?...yeah well guess who he went w/. grace, travis, brandon. ugh and they all new me and kris werent doin nething since we were sposed 2 go out w/ them and that fell through...but nun of them fuckin called us. thats bull shit. i mean thats fuckin bull shit. travis didnt even say that he wus goin 2 the pool hall...and then grace didnt even call us. i mena i no she thought me and kristin were eatin dinner @ her dads...but i meam common sense would tell her that we would b dun by like 8. so y then hell didnt she call us? brandon said he wus gonna call me...but he didnt call me either. so they all went out and left us w/ nuthin 2 do. thats bull shit. yeah and thats only half of it.
yeah well u no how jon said his rents werent lettin him go out 2nite? yeah thats fuckin bull shit. i called adam 2 c wut he wus doin 2nite...and guess where he is...@ the mall w/ a bunch of ppl...including jon. agh. thats such bull shit. i cant believe he fuckin did that. y couldnt he just say he didnt wanna go w/ us. or w/ me. thats the most insulting part. both nites he didnt wanna b w/ me. thats total crap. im so pissed off. and it hurts like hell how he just dumps me like that. i wus totally dissed and dismissed. and he couldnt just say it. he had 2 fuckin lie. thats bull shit. i dont wanna cry...and i havent yet. i hope i dont. i tell myself that he aint worth cryin over...but my heart might disagree.
im so fuckin pissed off. this is just bad. totally ruined my day. and now grace is pushin it and tellin me shes coming here. i mean i luv her i do...but im not in the mood 2 b happy and cheery and talkative. cuz im not. i just wanna sit here and b pissed and feel sorry 4 myself. ya no that feeling...u just wanna sit around...wallow in ur self pity. yeah. i wanna do that.
half of me hopes that he dont call and dont try and talk 2 me. but then half of me hopes he dus. i want 2 yell @ him...i wanna bitch @ him...i want him 2 feel guilty. but then what happens when i yell @ him...but he stil dont feel bad and he still dont feel guilty. im afraid he dont give a shit...that he dont care that he hurt me...and worst part im afraid of him affirming that he didnt wanna b w/ me and he dont like me. i mean i no its obvious by now...but itll still b hard 2 hear.
god wut a jerk.
allen and cesar just called askin if i wanted 2go out 2 eat w. them...but im 2 pissed off 2 go. grrr. but thanx 2 them 4 thinkin of me.
but yeah so i definitely dont like jon nemore. wut a waste of my time...and my energy. damn it y did i have 2 get attached...y did i set myself up 2 just get put down again. it hurts. and i dont want it 2. i dont want 2 care. but i do. i really do.
allen just called me again. i broke down. i started 2 cry. he said jon called him and told him that the reason he lied wus cuz he wants 2 totally break it off w/ his ex b4 he starts nething w/ me. i dont buy it. y did he fuckin lie 2 me...y couldnt he just tell me that. and if hes tryin 2 break it off w/ her...then y did go 2 the mall w/ her? i dont fuckin get it. not @ all. and i dont wanna cry. but i cant stop.
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden