get back in ur hole
Wednesday, Jan. 22, 2003, 3:34 pm
today was blah. everyday is blah. its funny in a non-funny way how jon and i never have nething 2 say 2 each other nemore. o well. w/e. i just dont like the fact that our friendship has pretty much gone 2 shit now. but it dont seem 2 matter 2 him @ all...so y should it bother me. yeah i no...i think 2 much.
i think i pulled something in my back yesterday. ouch. so yeah my back hurts like a bitch and i wanted 2 work out 2day. i think ill go newayz. i dont care. i need 2 get away. and workin out is the only way i can do that. only place i can be quiet and reserved and 2 myself...and no1 questions it. mayb ill swim 2day. thatd b nice. mmm. who knows...i probably wont even be able 2 go. so o well...empty wish.
chad called me this afternoon. that was kool. @ least 1 person wants 2 spend time w/ me when they dont have to. were gonna go grab sum subway in like half an hour or so...so thats kool. chads a good guy...lol hes funny though. always kinda...just there. haha but thats chad.
hes on his way. um de dum. wut 2 do til then.
i feel so shitty. like all the time. ud think that all this workin out would make me feel better...like uplifted and happy and shit. but no. it doesnt. i dont understand this @ all. and i dont think i ever will. i think im just meant 2 b unhappy. yup...thats it. doomed for life. im sparatically happy...@ select times during the day...only for certain lengths of time. its baffling.
i wrote a fuckin awesum essay in english 2day. i wus proud of that. there ya go johndrow...eat that bitch. haha...great feeling.
im so excited about the rodeo. its almost here. but i need sum freakin tickets man. i have 0. i no im gonna go w/ kerri and stuart and tj...i think were seein tim mcgraw. but i also wanna c martina mcbride, kenny chesney, alabama, ccr, and pat green. yeah thats a lot of shows. but i wanna go so badly! i luv the rodeo.
theres a 3 doors down concert comin up. thatd b kool 2 go 2. but the only ppl really interested are me and adam. so i think thats a negative. o well nice thought.
my back really hurts like a bitch. damn exertion...sucks cock.
i wanna get mad...like im just...grr. but i have no reason 2 b mad. so i just get 2 b sad instead. sad that i feel alone, im w/ out a guy 2 care about me, my friends are distant, i cant stand my family, most of my good friends are leavin 4 college, and good lord im sure the list could go on. i mean there are so many things i have 2 b joyous about...i mean like the fact that im alive and i have friends and a family and a house and food 2 eat and lots of extras...but those things dont seem 2 stick out 2 much lately. only the bad shit climbs out of its hole...and then it stays. something needs 2 change about that.
ok well im tired of typing about nothing interesting. i hope every1 had a great day. luv u all.
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden