from 'perceptions' and matt magus
Tuesday, Feb. 24, 2004, 5:11 pm
this isnt a real entry...go back one and ull find an actual update lol.
these are just somethings ive read and liked from the perceptions diary. need a place to keep things.
"i'm convinced that so many almost-perfect relationships end sadly and unnecessarily because of issues like self-esteem and insecurity and the like. there's the whole idea that some people only come into your life for one reason, and when that reason has ended, then the person is gone. and if you're the one who's the reason, you end up with the short end of the stick. you can just be one, it doesn't matter who or what you are, and that is what really, literally, kills some people. you enter a relationship and ultimately you are entering this person's life for only one reason, but you don't know that. nobody ever knows those things. sometimes they don't even know until years after it's happened. if you do what you need to do and accomplish what you were supposed to accomplish with this person--usually it's some sort of betterment of the other person, in confidence or security--a lot of the times you end up falling really hard, which will put you in an especially precarious position if you are also in need of someone to help you out in such a manner. and that's just the way it is. and that's why some people kill themselves when the other has what he or she needs."
you call the person and they don't answer or won't call you back and they take forever writing back to your emails, if at all. but you're the opposite. you're always by the phone, always eager to sit down and write and communicate, and deep down you know they like you, and you just want to grab their fucking head and say, 'it's me, damn it, it's me, i'm a good person, and you're fucking lucky that i'm interested in you.'
i fall on my bedroom floor and sob, but this isn't sadness. something's only sad when it's over. first, i'm upset because i can do something. second, i'm upset because i can't do anything.
You fall apart
And I glue you back together
And dust you off
He ignores you
And I take up the slack
And recieve slack for caring
This is friendship?
Why do I take your misplaced anger
Without any reward
Probably emotional masochism
But I'm growing cold to your scorn
It just kind of makes me laugh
Most of the time
Or sad for you
Because you no longer have the guts
To take it all out on the one who deserves it
You used to have a backbone
And now you are just jelly
~Matt Magus
Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden